Symphony of Healing

Forgive

Jan 16

JayaUncategorized Forgiveness No Comments

To Forgive
by: Scott F Paradis

Are you troubled and weary? Is something you are clinging to bringing you pain? Don’t succumb to the temptation to place blame. For the pain you feel is not from out there. The pain you feel inside, deep within your being – a sense of betrayal, loss, or bitter despair – is a feeling you manufacture, you nurture, you hold onto. This is not to say the circumstances you have endured are not deserving of an emotional release – just don’t allow that experience more than it is due. The tighter you cling to the pain (and the circumstances that triggered those feelings) the more power you give away. To be free to grow, to live and to love – you must move on, you must forgive.

Wherever ego looks, it sees conflict and division, pain and oppression. Ego’s tools are blame and fear. To move from the tempest to the calm, from trial to peace, from guilt to innocence, invest the talent and energy at your disposal to recognize the world for what it is — illusion. To embrace the true, enduring reality forgive those you perceive as trespassing against you and forgive the circumstances, the events, and the people you believe have conspired against you. By letting go of conflict you ultimately forgive yourself.

Remember these words: “I am responsible.” And “Forgiveness comes from forgiving.”

Life is to be lived. Whether you tend to believe you are journeying through the valley of death, or you are on a voyage of discovery, the truth is your final destination is the safety of a warm embrace and a loving home. To get to that destination do not squander your life, nor spend it frivolously wallowing in pain or self pity. Invest your treasure, your life and your love, freely in the lives of others. To do this you must be unencumbered by guilt and for peace to reign, you must forgive — all and always.

Today is not life in the fast lane; it is life in the oncoming lane. Ego puts you in the oncoming lane and accelerates life so that you find it difficult to hear the still small voice calling out to guide the way, the voice calling you home. Undo ego’s obstacles to recognize the truth. The biggest obstacles to truth are the perceptions in your mind you have been wronged or you are unworthy of going home. Both these misperceptions (blame and fear) require true forgiveness.

Your ultimate task in life is to unleash yourself from the bondage of this world. The journey from sleep to wakefulness is made in small steps. You forgive by not judging, by accepting responsibility for all you experience, and by letting go of perceived hurts and injustices. You see, if this life is an illusion, then so are your perceptions of injustice. There is no one to blame and nothing to fear.

Forgiving is giving peace, allowing a smile, inviting laughter despite the circumstances. You are not separate from your creator. You are not alone. You are one — whole, complete, powerful, and loving. You are forgiven in the same measure as you forgive others. See your face in the face of your brother and your sister and know that you are one. This is your life – take responsibility for it and forgive all else.

Copyright (c) 2011 Scott F Paradis

A Model for Therapeutic Counseling

May 28

Symphonycounselling CBT, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, counseling, counselling, faith, hope, Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy. REBT, session, therapeutic 1 Comment

 by: Michael Logan
When I think of how I want clients to leave their first therapeutic counseling session with me, I want them to feel more hopeful and a bit of excitement.

I almost always start a therapeutic counseling session with a question like this one, “What has changed since your call to schedule?” because change actually begins before that, when the contemplation begins.

I want to assure clients that they are not “crazy” and that together we are going to find some tools which they can apply to their thinking and feeling and behavior which will take them toward their goals.

And then therapeutic counseling usually involves listening, because most clients have a story to tell, and the listening may be all they need.

I remember back to my early days as a detox. counselor in an alcohol and drug treatment center when the psychologist supervising us said that most clients already know the answer to their issue, and that we as professionals were not required to wave magic wands or have magic potions available, and that is so true.

Many clients will report that they feel much better after the telling of the story, and many may not even return after unburdening themselves.

To me, therapeutic counseling speaks to some self-mastery experiences.

So I look for ideas from research that have not yet become mainstream, and I might just try them out for myself, and if the tool has some validity, or the book has some bearing on the client’s situation, for example, I will suggest that they look for information or try them out, so that client’s develop a sense of efficacy, some confidence that they can impact their thinking and feelings consistently.

In fact, I really like to use the solution oriented brief therapy model at this stage of the therapeutic counseling process so we can remember a time when this issue was handled effectively.

I love to read a bit from Mihalyi Csikszentmihalyi’s book FLOW to, if appropriate, about how the Central Nervous System processes those photons that cross the lens of the eye and excite the rods and cones in the back of the eye, those sound waves that vibrate the ear drum, the pressure of the chair and clothes on your skin, which is 1/18th second, and work with clients to discover how to change their interpretations of their sensory experience.

From there, we can begin to look at Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) or Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy (REBT) or any number of paths to the goal the client wishes to achieve.

Often clients are unsure at this point that they can effectively manage thoughts and feelings for sustained periods of time, so this is where I like to teach or demonstrate heart rate variability biofeedback.

Your heart has a brain of its own, actually a sophisticated nervous system that has enough neurons to learn and make decisions independently of any other brain I have, and with a few practices on the computer, clients can see themselves managing the time between their heart beats, or the heart rate variability coherence, by paying attention to their thinking or feeling and a quick little mental check list called the Freeze Framer, and when they see that happening for sustained periods of time, and then report using it away from my office, their confidence that they can make a feeling and thinking and behavioral difference increases dramatically.

So the heart rate variability biofeedback tool helps clients to understand the extent of their potential success at feeling good early and often.

They have a success to hang their hat on, and a success that feels good too.

Clients are able to continue their inner exploration with renewed confidence.

I also like to teach at this point in the therapeutic counseling process that heart rate variability biofeedback coherence training is an important part of the process of growing new neurons, which we now know that we do every day.

The term for that process is neurogenesis, and it, along with neuroplasticity, can be encouraged by those of us who are taking care of the “pillars of brain fitness”.

So a client who is struggling with depression or anxiety or anger or addictions, for example, can get a sense of confidence about their ability to grow new neurons and new behaviors by attending to their brain fitness?

I say yes, and then I might recommend that clients read an excellent e-book called Brainfit for Life which goes into some detail about the pillars of brain fitness and how attending to them increases neurogenesis and neuroplasticity, which is the brain’s ability to rewire itself, sometimes within minutes, when presented with a novel learning experience.

A novel learning experience is usually characterized as the kind of learning experience I have when I learn a new language or a new instrument, because of the increasing level of challenge and opportunity for the appropriate amount of positive feedback.

The authors of Brainfit for Life also talk about how computerized brain fitness programs may fit within the novel learning experience pillar of brain fitness, and go into some detail about research on the dual n back task, which has been shown to increase fluid intelligence, and can even translate into an increased IQ.

I think that therapeutic counseling can benefit by brain fitness training also.

While clients are dealing with emotional and cognitive issues, their increasing mastery of heart rate variability biofeedback and the dual n back task are increasing confidence in a their ability to impact themselves positively in important areas of their lives.

More good news, there are other brain fitness programs out there to include in the pillars of brain fitness training.

If clients are attending to all the pillars, which are physical exercise, nutrition, sleep, stress management, and novel learning experiences, you should see a significant improvement in efficacy across the board, which is what therapeutic counseling is all about.

Mental Exercises

May 12

Symphonycounselling counseling, counselling, Mental exercises No Comments

Could mental exercises be what you do in counseling? Or could it be what you do in the exercise gym? What you do when you learn something new? What about memory training, is that mental exercise?

What about stomping on all those ants, or automatic negative thoughts, practicing prayer, and meditation, or biofeedback skills, or creating art or writing your journal.

They are all mental exercises, and according to Sharon Begley, author of Train Your Mind, Change Your Brain, they change your brain, can make it bigger, like working out at the gym can do for your biceps.

In fact, regular physical exercise is an important aspect of mental exercise, it turns out.

The best kind of mental exercises, according to the brain fitness writers, are the kind that we do when we are learning a new language or learning to play a new instrument.

Language and music learning involve an increasing level of complexity and the opportunity to get about 80% of our challenges correct.

Mental exercises which do not meet those criterion are not the most effective mental exercises, so as a counselor, reading another counseling book will not be a mental exercise.

I know that we have been told for decades that cross word puzzles and vocabulary practice are the keys to mental sharpness across the life span, but new research is saying not so fast.

If we want to make sure that our mental exercise pays off over the entire course of our lives, perhaps it is important to take a look at what the brain fitness folks are saying about how to generate neurogenesis and neuroplasticity, tow capacities of the human brain which were unknown not too long ago.

I and all of us can grow new neurons on a daily basis, which enhance mental exercises, if I take care of the pillars of brain fitness, which are physical exercise, nutrition, (omega 3′s and dark chocolate?) sleep, stress management, and novel learning experiences, which can mean learning a new language, learning how to play a new instrument, or even using one of the emerging computerized brain fitness programs.

So maybe before I worry about memory exercises for example, I do the work necessary for neurogenesis, build the platform for mental exericses, so to speak.

So if you are interested in knowing more about the pillars of brain fitness, then please check out a very well written e-book called Brainfit for Life by Simon Evans,Ph.D. and Paul Burghardt,Ph.D,neuroscientists at the University of Michigan. Their work is written for the layperson, with a sly sense of humor, though, so do not be intimidated by the credentials. Evans and Burghardt go through the pillars of brain fitness in some detail, beginning with the most important pillar, physical exercise.

The good news about the pillars of mental exercises is that we achieve the necessary progress for neurogenesis and neuroplasticity without having to undertake an Olympic kind of training regimen.

After all, our body is doing this for us everyday. But if I do not make some effort to address the pillars, then those new neurons emerge into a brain not prepared to fully maximize their use, so do exercise, eat lots of antioxidants and omega 3 fatty acid, get good sleep, manage your stress, not just once a day, but perhaps heart beat by heart beat, and learn a new language, or a new instrument.

And if you do not have the time for an instrument, or a language, then check out some of the emerging computerized brain fitness tools designed to keep us developing neurons.

There are a couple which have some very interesting research associated with them.

If your are like to double check the marketing claims, then read the IMPACT study published in April of 2009, and look at the PNAS research in regards to the dual n back task, which is very exciting.

It appears that we are going to be able to do mental exercises of the appropriate kind right at our computer, between piano or French lessons, and increase our IQ while increasing visual acutity and cognitive reserve.

That all means that your 62 year old brain will still be sharp.

Four Keys to Natural Anxiety Relief

May 09

SymphonyUncategorized emotions, panic attacks No Comments

Taking medication for panic disorders really isn’t going to give you a real solution to your anxiety problem, however many–even doctors and other experts–appear to treat it as such. Natural anxiety relief is becoming a popular preference because it helps you really get at the core of the situation without suffering all the unintended implications that simply masking it will cause.

The following four bits of advice have helped many sufferers of anxiety find natural anxiety relief.

Find A Little Personal Time – Anxiety can often present itself during periods of great stress in our lives when we feel virtually overwhelmed with all the obligations that we must carry. Often when things start to get too beyond control at work, school, or somewhere else it is advisable to just find some private time for yourself. Plan a short vacation to escape from all the anxiety that you’re coping with and recharge your batteries. You’ll usually see that when you return, you’ll feel much better. Or you may just let go of some of the unimportant things that you are managing. I generally find that when I concentrate on one thing as opposed to ten, that things seem much more manageable. Simply by saying “no” to dealing with too many things in your life, you can really cut down on your stress and anxiety levels.

Take Pleasure in Some Exercise – Exercise is another great way to help you work out all that extra tension you may be feeling. The flight or fight response is actually what you enter when you start to feel anxiety coming into your life. When you experience acute anxiety attacks we cannot detect a clear cut reason for the feelings we are experiencing. With no evident thing around us to be frightened of, we don’t know what to do with all this extra energy and adrenaline that is flooding into our bodies. Without anywhere to go or something to do about it, it overwhelms us and we go through a panic attack. Your body really wants to get physical, so allow it! Getting out and enjoying a run or kicking a soccer ball around are great ways to work off all this extra energy and reduce your anxiety levels.

Accept the Anxiety – Resisting the feelings of stress that you feel only fuels the fire and makes your symptoms worse, which can cause a full-blown anxiety attack. It may seem somewhat counter intuitive, but most people have actually found that by welcoming the feelings of worry, that they pass fast without turning into horrifying anxiety attacks. There has honestly never been an incident of someone actually passing away from an anxiety attack, so don’t feel like you might be in real danger here. You’re not. You will be fine. You can actually start to play with the physical sensations that you undergo. Why fight this? If something really awful might happen, it’s best to just let it happen and move on with things instead of living in fear. Give this a shot. You will discover that it really has a way of minimizing your stress levels.

Other Natural Methods – There are many other alternative therapies out there these days you can use to help you get natural anxiety relief. Just some of these include tea, herbal remedies, acupuncture, tai-chi and deep breathing. All of these are natural and have helped lots of people find a way to cope with their anxiety without the use of medicine.

Medicine seriously isn’t the only remedy to reducing panic and anxiety disorders. There are so many different solutions these days with natural anxiety relief. Medicine has a proper place in the structure of things. It should be used to lower the levels of anxiety to a place where you could deal with and conquer the root cause. But regrettably most people use medicine as a quick-fix to simply mask the problem and go forward like they have fully recovered. If you want to overcome your anxiety challenges naturally try some of the methods right here for natural anxiety relief.

About the author -

Andrew Hunter used to struggle with panic and anxiety attacks. After mastering his emotions and retaking control of his life, he enjoys helping others overcome fears and move past personal barriers.

If you found this information helpful and you want to learn more ways to get natural anxiety relief, also check out http://www.understandingpanicattacks.com/natural-anxiety-relief/

30 True Things You Need to Know Now

May 06

JayaUncategorized 13 Comments

Here is a very interesting read I found online. I thought I should share it with you -

“You can bend it and twist it. You can misuse and abuse it. But even God cannot change the Truth.” – Michael Levy

Article written by Alex Blackwell. (http://www.thebridgemaker.com/30-true-things-you-need-to-know-now)

It is never too late to bring about lasting change for your life. No matter your present circumstances, not matter what has happened in your past; no matter your age, gender, or socioeconomic status, you are the creator of the life you want to live.

Dr. Gordon Livingston, author of Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart, a Vietnam War veteran and practicing psychiatrist has experienced, first hand, the tragedies life can bring upon us. He has also found the necessity to keep joy and comfort alive regardless of the pain endured.

After learning more about Dr. Livingston’s life and the circumstances regarding how he lost his two sons within a thirteen month period, I have been moved by his commitment to preserve hope in a world capable of inflicting such great tragedy. His ability and strength to move forward in spite of the obstacles is inspirational.

Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart provides 30 essential truths to remind us that while we can’t escape who we are or what has happened to us; we are responsible for who we would like to be and where we want to go. I see incredible value in learning and living these truths. Here is how each truth touches my heart; I hope you find hope and value in these, too:

1. If the map doesn’t agree with the ground, the map is wrong. We are given mental maps as children. Our parents and other adults tell us what is right and what is wrong – sometimes they don’t always get it, well, right. Now as adults, when we find the maps we have relied on for so long can get us lost, we need to recalibrate and create more reliable guides based on what we now know to be true and where we want to go.

2. We are what we do. We are not what we think, or what we feel, or what we say, we are what we do. Actions do indeed speak louder than words. If you are unhappy with a particular part of your life, take a strong look at what you are doing to be happier.

3. It is difficult to remove by logic an idea not placed there by logic in the first place. By nature, we are emotional creatures. Often we live and react based on feelings, not logic. Feelings are wonderful, but when we become tied to a particular thought or belief we tend to ignore the fact that change might be necessary. If a negative behavior is driven by an emotion, then we must find a way to still satisfy the emotional need while putting an end to the destructive behavior.

4. The statute of limitations has expired on most of our childhood traumas. For some, childhood was pleasant, almost idyllic. But for others, when there has been serious physical, sexual or emotional abuse it is important to recognize this and process this with a trained professional. No matter your past, change is the essence of life. In order to move forward in life we need to learn to live in the present.

5. Any relationship is under the control of the person who cares the least. When relationships end it is typically because of unmet expectations or one person is not feeling love or cherished by the other. For relationships to grow and last both members have to be equal with the love they give; and both should do it, not because they think they have to do it, but because they want to do it.

6. Feelings follow behavior. No matter how hard we try, we don’t control what we think or what we feel. But, we do know which actions bring us happiness, pleasure and confidence. So, we do the actions that make us feel good. It is the action, the behavior that comes first. Take the next few days to notice how you feel after doing a particular behavior. If you like the feeling, do more of it. If not, change the behavior.

7. Be bold, and mighty forces will come to your aid. When we step out and claim what we want from the world a wonderful thing happens – the Universe responds.

8. The perfect is the enemy of the good. While it’s important to have control over our lives, it can be counterproductive to attempt to control our lives. The energy spent trying to be perfect can keep us from enjoying and appreciating all the good things that exist right before us.

9. Life’s two most important questions are “Why?” and “Why not?” The trick is knowing which one to ask. Understanding why we do certain things is the first step to change. Until we understand what motivates us, what we get from doing a particular behavior, there is no momentum to begin the change process. Likewise, by asking “Why not?” we begin assessing the risk versus reward aspect which can lead to bringing about productive change in our lives.

10. Our greatest strengths are our greatest weaknesses. One of my biggest strengths as a person is I’m caring, sensitive and emotional – it is also my greatest weakness. While this strength helps me to build and maintain healthy relationships, it can also make me too reactive and less effective when dealing with conflict. This can create a confusing paradox for me from time-to-time, but having the awareness of the thin line between the two better prepares me to either use my strength or be mindful of my weakness.

11. The most secure prisons are those we construct for ourselves. What is your fear of change costing you? Too often what keeps us stuck is the belief we can’t move forward. Our head-trash tells us we are not worthy to have our heart’s desire. This fear; this incarceration, prevents us from breaking free and having the life we desire. Remember this: Before you can do anything, you must be able to imagine it. Imagining who and what you want to be, and then taking action, is the key to begin freeing yourself of what is holding you back.

12. The problems of the elderly are frequently serious but seldom interesting. The thought of our own mortality and demise can be a frightening one. Therefore, our attitude towards the aging can be callous because they are unwanted reminders of what’s ahead for us. However, the elderly can hold great value and wisdom for us. We must remember to show respect and gratitude for those near the end so the cycle can be repeated when it is our turn.

13. Happiness is the ultimate risk. No matter how painful, sometimes what we know is more comfortable than what we don’t know, even if we are depressed and miserable. Our misery can feel safe because it has been a part of us for so long. To seek happiness, to do things to break free of the depression, is a risk because we don’t know what it looks like or feels like to be happy. The antidote for this is hope and faith.

14. True love is the apple of Eden. “When I look back, the Garden is a dream to me. It was beautiful, surpassingly beautiful, enchantingly beautiful; and now it is lost, and I shall never see it any more. The Garden is lost, but I have found him and am content. – from Mark Twain in Eve’s Diary. True love is fair compensation for the obstacles and burdens of being human.

15. Only bad things happen quickly. When we think about the things that can change our lives in an instant we usually think of the negative ones first: accidents, our employer going out of business, or the news of a loved one becoming seriously ill. There is plenty of room; however, for good things to happen too, we just have to be more patient. Losing weight, improving a relationship, or creating a rewarding career all take effort, but the life-long satisfaction these bring can help to fill our souls when they are emptied-out by the bad.

16. Not all who wander are lost. When we were children we were told what to do. In our jobs, we are assigned tasks and projects. Our culture even has expectations of what we should do. It’s OK to step outside of the lines in order to follow what your inner wisdom is suggesting you do with your life. It’s not that you are lost when you wander, it’s just the opposite: You know what you want and you are only attempting to find the best path to your destination.

17. Unrequited love is painful but not romantic. Love is meant to be shared. When you give your heart to someone who is uninterested, it will only result in loneliness and disappointment. Instead find someone who will share love with you. When you do, you will feel the real power of love.

18. There is nothing more pointless, or common, than doing the same things and expecting different results. This truth also provides a very good definition for insanity. When things are not working in your life, try different things. The rub comes when we become so comfortable with the familiar we refuse to try something new. To grow we must also embrace change. The question then becomes what level of fear you are willing to walk through in order to change, grow and create the life you want.

19. We flee from the truth in vain. Somewhere along the way there are truths about ourselves we never allow to see the light of day. Shame, guilt or embarrassment keeps these truths hidden and locked away. But remember, we cannot change or heal what we do not acknowledge.

20. It’s a poor idea to lie to oneself. We may say the words, the words of a lie, but inside we know better; we know the truth. The most damaging lie we can tell ourselves involves making a promise. While good intentions are important, living the truth has far greater value in our life. Do what you say you are going to do, not just to improve the quality of your life, but to be able to live your life with confidence and self-respect.

21. We are all prone to the myth of the perfect stranger. Unless you are being victimized by your partner, chances are very good there are plenty of reasons to love your partner or spouse. It takes maturity, patience and trust to look across the fence and know your grass is greener.

22. Love is never lost, not even in death. To lose what means the most to us is the ultimate test of helplessness and survival. I have been very fortunate to not yet experience the death of a close relative. That day, however, will come. When it does, my hope is I can transfer all of the love I have for that person to others still with me. In that way, the love for the person lost will always be alive.

23. Nobody likes to be told what to do. As a parent it’s easy for me to sometimes tell one of my children what to do instead of just listen and offer advice, if requested. My need to control can trump their need to be heard and grow on their own. When this happens, communication is strained and trust can be eroded. Rather than telling my children what to do, my job as a parent is to give them hope that they can be successful in a very uncertain world. This can be achieved by limiting my lectures and by giving them the time and space to “figure it out,” while I’m standing by with a safety net.

24. The major advantage of illness is that it provides relief from responsibility. In an ironic twist, the days we feel under the weather can be some of the healthiest for us. We push, we rush and we often don’t take time to take care of ourselves. But when we are feeling ill, we are forced to to slow down, perhaps call in sick at work, and take it easy.

25. We are afraid of the wrong things. For the first 18 years of my marriage I feared the wrong things. I feared not earning enough money or not advancing quickly enough in my career. I should have feared losing my wife and family instead, because I almost did. Now, I try to live in the present moment and appreciate all I have. When I do this, I stay centered with hope and not distracted by fear.

26. Parents have a limited ability to shape children’s behavior, except for the worse. My wife and I often hope our greatest legacy to our children is to be able to break the cycle of pain and doubt we experienced as children. Our hope is our children will have the self-love and confidence needed to live a rich and full life. With that said, we are far from being perfect parents. But our focus is to help them be as happy as possible in a world that takes and demands so much of them.

27. The only real paradises are those we have lost. Too often we may view the past with a special fondness, perhaps reverence, too. But the past for most of us may be no different than the present, it just feels that way. To be honest, we may not always see the past for what it actually was. This view can be dangerous and it can keep us from living fully in the present, in the here and now.

28. Of all the forms of courage, the ability to laugh is the most profoundly therapeutic. Yes, things can go wrong in life. Yes, there are issues and problems to solve. But we have a choice. We can choose to become pessimistic and not see the value in what we experience, or we can choose to laugh as an admission to the fact we are not perfect and life can get the best of us at times. What a relief to know that no matter how bad things may look, a smile or a rift of laughter can begin to make the circumstances feel better.

29. Mental health requires freedom of choice. No matter how bleak or desperate a situation may appear to look, we always have choices. Even with the absence of answers or direction, we do have the power to choose what our next action is. We can choose to ask for help; we can choose to pray; we can choose to get up in the morning, get dressed and forge ahead. The ability to choose gives us power. We can use that power to begin removing the obstacles that confront us

30. Forgiveness is a form of letting go, but they are not the same thing. To be clear, the purpose of forgiveness is not to let the person who harmed you off the hook, the purpose of forgiveness is to end the grief it has cost you. Don’t just let go, forgive and truly surrender the feelings of anger and pain. This may seem difficult, almost impossible, until you attempt to do it.